Promoting a positive relationship with food if you – the parent or caregiver – are on a diet: Is it possible?
Parental dieting and relationship with food has a huge impact on our kiddos’ relationships with food. It would be nearly impossible for it not to. Our kiddos are often more observant than we give them credit for, so whether you are discussing your diet openly around them, your kiddos pick up on what you eat, don’t eat, how much you eat, and so on. You are also the primary food provider for your kids, so what you eat, they often eat too. If you don’t feel comfortable keeping certain foods in the house, because they aren’t “allowed” on your diet, or you’ve experienced feeling a loss of control eating those foods, then your kiddos don’t get the opportunity to enjoy those foods and practice having a neutral relationship with those foods either.
Parental dieting, particularly dieting that encourages weight loss or places strong emphasis on eating only “healthy” foods, is closely tied to an increased risk for disordered eating, eating disorders, and weight gain in children and adolescents.
So, what do I recommend if you are dieting or considering a change to your diet for weight loss?
Check in with your own relationship with food and body image. Research has shown that going on a diet with weight loss as the primary goal often backfires on us and most people regain most if not additional weight after ending a diet. But, if we are truly working on building a positive relationship with food and our bodies, we can learn to nourish and respect our body’s needs, honor the complex relationship that we often have with food, and still experience joy in eating.
Consider your “why” behind losing weight. Are you seeking acceptance or love from someone else or trying to fit diet culture’s standards for health and body size? We know that the number on the scale is only one data point and cannot tell us if someone is “healthy” or not. The objectification of our bodies for other people or diet culture sends the message to our kiddos that they also must conform to these “standards,” and if their bodies do not, then they may not be accepted, loved, respected, valued, worthy, attractive, [fill in the blank with other internalized messages that get placed on our bodies]. I often work with clients who initially come to me seeking to lose weight. When we get into their “why,” the closer those reasons align with their values and goals the more successful they are at developing or maintaining a positive relationship with food and their bodies – and maybe they lose weight, but mostly they realize their freedom from worrying about weight loss, dieting, and instead, respecting their body’s needs, serves them so much more in the long run than the dieting transaction that leads to weight loss.
Consider your kiddo’s relationship with food and their body. If you are reading this blog, you likely have a desire to protect your kiddo’s relationship with food and body image and nurture those relationships. And, because of our own complicated relationships with food and our bodies, it’s difficult to separate from and ignore those diet culture messages for ourselves, even if we can easily say we don’t want the same thing for our kids! Like I mentioned before, our kids are SO observant and often more intuitive than we are – they’ve had less opportunity for the outside world to question their intuition and make decisions for them (depending on their age). So, even if you are doing all the things to protect their relationships with food and body image – they will likely still pick up on your beliefs and behaviors around food and body image. If you have a kiddo that you know or suspect is struggling with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or negative body image - consider the message it may send to them to observe your dieting behaviors.
But wait….
What if you DO have a medical diagnosis that requires you to change your diet or limit/avoid certain foods? Some examples of this might include a diagnosed food allergy or intolerance, diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol, or a gastrointestinal disorder (IBS, IBD, etc.). Yes, it is possible to continue to promote a positive relationship with food for your family while also protecting your health and your own relationship with food. Depending on your kiddos’ ages, the way that you explain your need for a different diet can make a world of difference in how they interpret what is going on with family meals and the food in the house. For example, if you have a diagnosed food allergy, you might explain it to your kiddo by saying, “You are safe to eat this food if you enjoy it and want to. Mom/dad just can’t eat it because it makes our tummy upset.” If your kiddo is older, understanding an allergy will likely be easier to comprehend. If you have diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol, avoid negative comments about the foods that you are trying to be more mindful about. Steer away from phrases such as, “that has too much sugar/fat/sodium,” or “I can’t eat that, it’s bad for me.” While those may feel applicable for your body, kiddos can be very literal. So, if it’s “bad” for you, it might be “bad” for them too; or maybe they question, “Does that make me bad if I eat it?” Again, we’re working to steer clear of labeling food as good or bad anyway! Receiving a new health diagnosis that requires a shift in the foods that you eat can absolutely be tricky and bring up some emotions. This might be a great opportunity to explore how to maintain or repair YOUR relationship with food while navigating a medical diagnosis.
{Bottom line}
I would encourage ditching the diets and working on nurturing a positive relationship with food and body image for yourself and your family. Does this mean you can’t value incorporating nutrient dense foods, movement, and other aspects of health? Absolutely not! It just means that you’re doing so in a way that doesn’t glorify nutrient dense foods, shame less nutrient dense foods, and health is not defined by the number on the scale or outward appearances – all bodies are respected and worthy.
